Making Friends in Finland: Is It Really Impossible?

Is making friends in Finland difficult because Finns are difficult — or because it’s just difficult to make friends as an adult anywhere?

Many articles about making friends in Finland quickly turn into “It’s impossible to make friends with Finns.” I wonder if that is just a myth. How many friends have you made as an adult anywhere?

Children and students seam to be making friends almost automatically. But they don’t. They are guided. There are parents, teachers, leaders, coaches and many more who help. Children are encouraged and guided. They get opportunities and repeated support in making friends.

Adults have it harder. You must do it all by yourself, and there are no clear situations for when and how to start. Clubs and events are good places to begin, and friendship can start there. But sometimes you show up and you try, but you still feel left out. Is the problem really the Finns?

When people move to a new place, one of the hardest challenges is making friends. I have moved many times in Finland and I have lived in three foreign countries. I know how it feels.

You Can Make Friends with Finns

Advices about making friends sound simple: join a club, attend events, meet new people. And then, just like that, you have made friends. Does it really happen that easily anywhere?

It is important to start somewhere. You can meet new people at the gym, in a book club, in a class, in a bar and in many other places. But how do you turn those acquaintances into friends? What if you simply accept that most adults have established social circles before you showed up? If the environment feels natural to you, you need to make the friends. Why you?

Most adults are not actively looking for new friends, but you could become one anyway. Most adults have no particular reason to invite you over or to be invited to a stranger’s place, because they have their own lives and routines. But this does not mean you couldn’t become their new friend. If the environment feels natural to you, go for it.

Before someone becomes a friend, they might just be the person you always talk to after class or the familiar face you greet at the gym. When you see someone you might like, you need to make the effort. Talk about the weather and ask something related to the place you both are in. Then, next time, share something a little personal — but don’t overshare! Just add some personal content to the conversation. At some point the other person will start looking forward to interacting with you.

Taru’s Tips for Making Friends in Finland

Invite Out — Not Inside

In some countries, people quickly invite new acquaintances into their homes. For many Finns, that feels uncomfortable. I like to be asked out for a walk. It feels safe. Entering a stranger’s home can feel like stepping outside of the comfort zone — for both of you.

There is less pressure when you are moving side by side instead of sitting face to face. If the conversation flows, you can always suggest another walk next week. If not — you got fresh air and exercise anyway. That is how a Finn would see it.

If Inside, Better in Public

Don’t invite someone for afternoon tea to make friends. Many adults are watching their weight or trying to cut back on sugar or caffeine. Inviting someone into your home also feels surprisingly intimate to many Finns. If you want to meet indoors, suggest a café rather than your home.

If you meet a Finn in a café, you don’t need to pay for them. If you want to, say so only at the cashier. For a Finn, “Take whatever you want, I’ll pay” can feel like pressure rather than generosity. If the waiter brings a bill, it is natural for both to pay their own share.

Don’t Mess with Adult’s Routines

Adults have busy schedules, so don’t try to add something new — instead, join an existing routine. Can you go together to the place where you first met? Can you walk together in the same direction after class or the gym? Can you take the same bus? If they always visit the market on Sundays, ask if you can join them.

You need to be creative. Ask to join, offer help, suggest small things. Turn ordinary moments into opportunities to spend time together. People are much more likely to say yes when friendship fits naturally into the life they already have.

Not every connection will turn into a friendship. Some people will remain acquaintances, and that is perfectly normal. Making friends is not about collecting people but about finding a few with whom you genuinely connect.

One Last Question

If you moved back to your home country, how many new friends would you expect to make in the next five years?